Sex and Teens

I want to share brief excerpts of the story of the 13 year old boy and the 15 year old girl.

Chantelle (the mother) told how she discovered she was expecting after going to the hospital with "really bad" stomach pains. She said: "Me and Alfie (the father) went. The doctor asked me whether we had sex. I said yes and he said I should do a pregnancy test. He did the test and said I was pregnant. I started crying and didn't know what to do. The doctor said I should tell my mum but I was too scared. We didn't think we would need help from our parents. You don't really think about that when you find out you are pregnant. You just think your parents will kill you.

Maisie (the child) was conceived after Chantelle and Alfie - just 12 at the time - had a single night of unprotected sex. They found out about the baby when Chantelle was 12 weeks pregnant. But they kept it a secret until six weeks later when Chantelle's mum Penny, 38, became suspicious about her weight gain and confronted her. Penny figured out what was going on after buying Chantelle a T-shirt which revealed her swelling tummy.

Alfie's dad, Dennis, told how the lad does not really understand the enormity of his situation - but seemed desperate to be a devoted and responsible father. Alfie, who is just 4ft tall, added: "When my mum found out, I thought I was going to get in trouble. We wanted to have the baby but were worried how people would react. "I didn't know what it would be like to be a dad. I will be good, though, and care for it." He told how he and Chantelle, 15, decided against an abortion after discovering she was pregnant. After that Alfie's family told only those closest to them for fear he would be "demonised" at school. Chantelle gave birth to Maisie after a five-hour labour at Eastbourne Hospital, East Sussex.

Chantelle admitted she and Alfie - who are both being supported by their parents - would be accused of being grossly irresponsible. She said: "We know we made a mistake but I wouldn't change it now. We will be good loving parents. Chantelle has started a church course and she is going to do work experience helping other young mums. "I'll be a great mum and Alfie will be a great dad."

Alfie's dad, who is separated from Nicola, believes the lad is scared deep down. He said: "Everyone is telling him things and it's going round in his head. It hasn't really dawned on him. He hasn't got a clue of what the baby means and can't explain how he feels. All he knows is mum and dad will help. "When you mention money his eyes look away. And she is reliant on her mum and dad. It's crazy. They have no idea what lies ahead." Dennis, who works for a vehicle recovery firm, described Alfie as "a typical 13-year-old boy". He said: "He loves computer games, boxing and Manchester United." Dennis, who has fathered nine kids, told how he was "gobsmacked" when he discovered Alfie was to be a dad, too. He said: "When I spoke to him he started crying. He said it was the first time he'd had sex, that he didn't know what he was doing and of the complications that could come. "I will talk to him again and it will be the birds and the bees talk. Some may say it's too late but he needs to understand so there is not another baby."

While most adults agree that teens are not ready for sex, the truth is, they are having it. Whether we want them to or not, it is a decision that you just cannot make for them. You can give them the tools to make the correct decision, but in the end, the decision really is theirs. No matter how closely you watch them, if they really want to find a way, they will. They are teens after all. So what responsibilities does that leave parents with? How can they help their kids to make the right decision? What tools can they give them to make a more informed and educated decision?

It all starts at home. You can't expect your kids to make a good decision if you haven't talked to them about it. And I don't mean the "I-really-don't-want-to-be-talking-about-this" "I'm-so-embarrassed-I'm-red-in-the-face" conversation. I mean straight talk about the responsibilities of sex. If they don't hear it from you, where do you think they are going to get their information from? I'll tell you, TV, friends, movies, friends, magazines, books, adverts... and did I mention friends?

Talk to your kids. Plan out the conversation. Take notes if you have to. But talk to them. Even if they are the ones that end up red in the face, they WILL hear you. Even, if they pretended not to. Don't give them the choice to dodge out of the conversation. It's too important.

I know there are those of you who just cannot bring yourselves to talk to your kids about this. If that is the case, find another way to get them the information they need. One great way is a DVD called "Sex still has a price tag" featuring Pam Stenzel. There is a Christian version as well as a Public School Version. You can also get them Christian books that teach about sex. Allow them to go for Christian seminars or teachings about sex. They will come to you with questions, and then you can explain to them. Don't be shy to do this. The teen you don't teach the truth about sex will end up causing a big problem about sex for you. I guarantee your teen will read anything with the word "sex" in it. You know, the word sex attracts. Just leave it on their bed while they're at school.

If a DVD would be more effective, I believe you can get a copy at Pam Stenzel's web site. Either way you do it, PLEASE! Talk to your kids about sex. They will get the information one way or the other. Wouldn't it be better if the information came from you?

I see a more moral nation filled with moral teens that have a good perspective about sex. Remember, teens today are the adults tomorrow that will become fathers and mothers in the future. What you sow in them today will go a long way to affect generations positively. Be the change.