Uniform Violations for Kids and Teens

Here is the most aggravating article head teachers and parents are likely to read for a very long time.

Here is a suggested list of things kids can do to enhance an ugly school uniform, once safely out of the school gates and away from the beady eyes scrutinizing for uniform infractions.

1. Roll over the waistline of your school skirt to hike them a good four inches above regulation level. A hot tip for pleats is that if you safety pin the pleats first they do not warp when you roll them.

2. School caps for boys are the geekiest invention in the history of the world. However if you turn the peak skyward you can have the advantage of looking not only geeky, but colourful too.

3. Flat brogues for girls make even the nicest legs look dumpy. However you can manufacture a passable heel lift by adding three or more heel supports inside the shoe. This makes your calves tighten as you walk and is a marked improvement over the Farmer Jones motif.

4. Change your tights in the girl's toilets before leaving for home, for a finer denier. The thick ones make your legs look like planks.

5. School shirts should always be clean, but you can make your arms look slimmer by rolling up even the short sleeves in a cuff. Even better with a summer tan. Even better with a temporary tattoo.

6. Sneak your mother's sewing machine and sew darts into the back of your school blouse. Boys' shirts also benefit from this little trick, especially if the boys in question happen to be fit.

7. Knot your school sweater around your neck rather than wearing it in the conventional way. Not only does it look stylish, it hides the rest of the geek outfit by dangling down the front or back. Turn up the back of the school shirt for extra effect.

8. There are some things even a school uniform cannot camouflage, such as nice clean, shiny hair, clean skin, a great figure and so on. Also, you can make even the worst possible uniform look sexy if you learn to walk properly. Check out the many websites which offer advice. However, practice at home in front of the mirror before making an idiot of yourself at school, because some of these walking postures can have the opposite effect and make you look even more ridiculous than the uniform. Girls can wear their hair up which makes them look taller. Boys can try the heel lift trick if there are no sports classes to expose the artifice.

9. Apply some make up before leaving for school if you can get away with it but don't overdo. Thickly applied makeup with a school uniform looks cheap and this is not the impression anyone would wish to convey. Vaseline makes very good clear mascara and you do not have to wash it off. Colourless mascaras are good too but more expensive. Very few teachers or parents object to a touch of light blusher, as long as it is skilfully applied. Practise first.

10. Should you spot a figure of authority coming toward you, try to find somewhere to sit down before you are spotted. A seated figure is harder to check out for hemlines.